Arkansas HC Sam Pittman Arrested for Murder by Twitter Beef
The Saturday matchup between the Razorbacks and the baby Tigers coached by total nerd Eli Drinkwitz has been postponed due to COVID depleting the Arkansas roster. But what happened before this bombshell, was an event almost even more compelling: the murder of a helpless Tweeter.
Hogs head coach Sam Pittman was challenged on the app by a user we will leave nameless out of respect for the victim’s family. Our John Doe publicly criticized Pittman after the announcement that star safety Jalen Catalon was being suspended for the first half of the now postponed Mizzou game. The reason, a targeting call late in the fourth quarter of November 21st LSU game, has been widely called bullshit by everyone except for game MVP and SEC Player of the week Marc Curles. The nameless adversary said this about the lack of appeal from Pittman:
This tweet, even before it was seen by the Grandfather of Pork, was not taken well. Multiple citizens of our great state were taken aback, and urged the man to delete said tweet before he was given a comeuppance. Little did we all know, murder would be the story. Pittman was enraged, and responded with a verbal stabbing the likes of which no man, woman, or Bobby Petrino had ever seen or could repeat:
Clear as day… In front of the entire Hogsphere, our Lord and Savior committed an OJ level offense. The Fayetteville Police were immediately called to tend to the body. Evidence was taken and Pittman was escorted to the Washington County Jail. However, just an hour later he was bailed out by Athletic Director Hunter Yurachek, who claimed to have seen the murder firsthand and called it “….extremely justifiable. I can’t say what I know or what I told Coach Pittman afterward, but just know I will tell our fans as soon as Daddy Sankey gives me expressed written consent.” He refused to comment when his phone lit up to a text message from Big 12 Commissioner Bob Bowlsby that read: “wyd babe”